Rites of Passage

On Saturday, at her tumbling class, Leila got her first bloody nose. Not a pick-your-nose-a-little-too-hard bloody, but lean-your-head-back-hold-this-paper-towel-on-it bloody. She cried pretty hard at first, but Daddy knew what to do, and the bleeding slowed down pretty quickly, and stopped altogether within about 10 minutes. She was more upset about not being able to go on the trampoline afterward than the nose itself. I was of course a little concerned at first, but as the bleeding slowed I was reassured that it was the standard bloody nose and should be expected in the realm of gymnastics. I will admit I was proud of her, she seemed so tough with just that little remaining bit of blood that we missed, sitting there in her nostril. Naturally, we treated ourselves to lunch at Turley's after class as reward for making it through the crisis.

Give me a bloody nose any day over what happened later that evening. Leila has two very close friends from school that she always plays with, and one of them had a birthday party at a kids' cooking school that evening. Leila was so excited about it. She sat by the Birthday Girl (BG) when they started setting up for the pizza cooking class, and other attendees started trickling in. One friend who doesn't attend their school showed up a few minutes later, and BG decided she wanted the other friend to sit by her instead of Leila. She told Leila to move. Leila protested because she wanted to sit by BG, but BG continued to insist. I intervened and suggested to Leila that we go find another chair. Leila was a little bewildered at this point and tearfully protesting to sit by BG, but had gotten off the chair. BG then put her legs up on the chair so Leila could not get back on, and told her that if she sat there she wouldn't be allowed to cook. Leila continued to cry, so I picked her up, held her tight, and we went to sit in another spot. I was very close to tears myself, and so angry that my first instinct was to just take Leila and leave the party. BG's dad finally realized what was going on and came over to correct his daughter, and Leila was able to have her original seat. I managed to make it through the rest of the party, although my face was tight the entire time (my face starts feeling tight when I get upset-- I realized this thanks to one of my coworkers with whom I work closely and who, shall we say, has an abrasive personality at times). The treat for getting through this crisis was a trip to the "burrito store" (Chipotle) after the party and a big fat glass of wine with dinner for me.

In Leila's mind, all was forgiven the minute she got her seat back. It took me 2 days get over the incident. Two days, anyway, for the faint cloud of sadness to stop following me around. Clearly I am still not completely over it. I know that this is the standard type of drama that happens amongst 3 and 4 year olds. I know that I am not exposed to to the drama much because Kevin and I are antisocial and don't have many playdates with other parents. I know that kids can be mean, especially girls. I know that Leila has her moments where she hurts a friend's feelings. I tell myself all of that, but I still wasn't ready for it. I thought I had a few more years.

The next day, Sabina and I were coming out of Target, with Sabina sitting in the cart. It was unusually warm, and a little windy, so I stopped the cart for a minute to enjoy the weather. Sabina turned her face toward the wind, closed her eyes and smiled, and did her best to say something that resembled "windy". She was perfectly happy in that moment, and for that instant, I wished she wouldn't get any older, that she would stay just that way, and never be hurt by anyone. That made me sad too, because one of the greatest things about being a parent is watching them grow up. There are just a few things I wish they would miss out on.